On Saturday I went shopping for clothes. I hate buying clothes, but I really needed some new jeans, so out I went. First I went to the factory outlets in Parkside, but they had absolutely nothing, so on the way home I called into another shopping centre. I tried on some jeans there, and after umming and aahing over which size to get, I decided on the smaller size, thinking that since jeans always give a little after wearing them, they’ll end up being the right size.

More than once have I been caught out when buying jeans - the last time, they were snug, but not too tight, and after wearing them once they were far too big and had a big gaping bit in the small of my back. This time I was determined not to fall into the same trap, so the jeans I got are bordering on indecent. Almost, but not quite. They’re fine on the legs, but my arse has no room whatsoever. I think I have a really disproportionate arse.

I would have got the next size up, but there was a little gap in the small of the back in that size, and I had the niggling feeling that that would just get worse with wear. Having said that, I’m now worried that these are going to be the only jeans in the history of jeans that won’t stretch, and I’ll always have to start getting ready 10 minutes earlier than usual just so I have enough time to get them over my butt and done up.

I was really worried that I’d got the wrong size, so I spent the rest of my day looking at other people’s jeans, seeing how tight they were on them. There are lots of people who wear tight jeans, right? And they’re going to stretch a bit anyway… riiight? I think I’m going to spend the next few weeks wearing them whenever possible to get them to stretch. Either that, or I’ll just eat lettuce leaves so it’s not so hard to get my butt into them. Dammit, I knew I should have got the next size up, even though they weren’t really any looser except for the back-gaping bit.

Why can’t I have the kind of body where jeans just hug it in all the right places? Damn genes. And jeans too.

PS I think comments are fixed (touch wood), so if you were having trouble before, everything should be ok now. As you were.